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Ryne Anderson: "Have Sex With Me Or Drug Dealers Will Kill You!"
Young men have an esteemed history of employing their best lies
to get into the pants of unsuspecting damsels. But 18-year-old Ryne Anderson of Grand Forks, North Dakota deserves some kind
of Special Olympics medal for his skill with averting truth.
He and his unnamed girlfriend dated for a year before breaking up in August of last year. But over the subsequent months, Ryne must have discovered he wouldn't soon be getting his romance in the volume pack from Sam's Club, and that his next date might come at age 47. So he hit upon an ingenious scheme to win her back -- or at least find his way under her skirt. In February, while they were still in high school, he started telling his former sweetheart that he was in trouble, and that drug dealers were out to get him. The bad guys were watching them, he warned her. She couldn't tell anyone. These tales of danger kept getting more outlandish as the weeks went on. Soon the fictitious drug dealers were threatening his former girlfriend too, as well as her family. If they didn't do exactly what they, they could all be slaughtered. The girl, not exactly the brightest fire in the campground, began to believe him. After all, the ferocity of North Dakota drug dealers is legendary. And these guys were particularly menacing, since what they really wanted was for the girl to have sex with Ryne. Those bastards! To save herself and her family, the girl agreed to sex on two occasions. But she later told her family, who came to the believe that very few drug dealers considered Ryne Anderson's sexual needs a life or death matter. So they called the cops. Our moron is now charged with terrorizing and gross sexual imposition. If convicted and given the max, he could be sentenced to life, where he'll likely make the acquaintance of real drug dealers. Isn't it fun when crime is educational and allows assailants to meet new and interesting people!
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