Top Ten Things To Say About a Christmas Gift You Don't Like... 10. Hey! Now there's a gift!  9. Well, well, well...  8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit.  7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.  6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.  5. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!  4. I love it - but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.  3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.  2. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.  1. I really don't deserve this.

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