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Jokes
A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks
at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our
room for a little while."
Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to
his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to
peek into the bedroom.
"Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the same woman
who smacked our asses just for sucking our thumbs."
A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance
from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier,
but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?"
asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare
back to town is $25..."
A police officer pulls a man over for speeding. As the officer approaches
the car he can see that the man is very anxious about something.
"Good afternoon Sir. Do you know why I stopped
you?"
"Yes, officer... I know I was speeding -- but it is a matter of life or death."
"Oh, really?
How's that?"
"There's a naked woman waiting for me at home."
"I don't see how that is a matter
of life or death."
"If I don't get home before my wife does, I'm a dead man."
A trucker goes into a whorehouse and hands the Madam five hundred
dollars. He says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich." The Madam says, "For that kind of money,
you could have one of my finest girls and surf and turf." The trucker says, "I'm not horny, I'm homesick."
An old Indian was asked the name of his wife.
He replied, "Wife
Name - Three Horse."
"That's an unusual name for your wife, Three Horse. What does it mean?"
"It's
an old Indian name. Means Nag, Nag, Nag."
Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood." "Thank
you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where
the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left...
The phone rings at Billy Bob's house:
"Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did
they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Happy Birthday, Buddy" |
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