There was a man who traveled all around the world. Every city he stopped
in he would buy something for his mother and send it to her.
On one such stop he found a parrot that spoke thirty
different languages. He immediately bought it and sent it home to his mother.
A few days later he calls his mother.
"Did you like the parrot?" he asked her.
"Oh yes," she replied. "It was delicious."
"WHAT!" the man cried. "You ate it! That parrot wasn't for you to eat! It spoke thirty languages!"
The mother paused for a moment and then said, "So why didn't he say something?"
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying
to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it,
and I would turn red in the face.."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that
while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow
shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
There are these two guys driving a car. When the guy driving blows
right through the red light.
"Man, you just ran that red light!", the passenger said.
worry, my brother does it all the time," said the driver.
Well, they continue to drive when the guy went
flying through another stop light.
"You ran ANOTHER stop light. You are going to get us killed!!!" exclaimed
"Don't worry, my brother does it all the time, the driver said.
After a while
they came to a green light when the guy stopped.
"Why are you stopping?"
The driver turned
around and said, "Because my brother might be coming!"
While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk.
"People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears," one says, "but we have no one to go to
with our own problems."
"Since we're all professionals," another suggests, "why don't we hear
each other out right now?"
They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, "I'm a
compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can."
The second admits,
"I have a drug problem that's out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me."
The third psychiatrist says, "I know it's wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep a secret."