Teacher: "Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings
who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?"
Johnny: Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell...'
2 doctors are laying in bed after having sex. The guy says "You
must be an OBGYN because you can work that pussy." The woman says "You must be an anesthesiologist because I didn't
feel a thing."
A man walks into a bank, and after waiting for 20 minutes in line,
he goes straight to a customer service rep. and says, "Hey, lady, I got this here check for deposit and I'll be goddamned
if I am going to wait my ass on line anymore." "Please", says the woman. "I won't have that kind of language
in this bank." "Well excuse me, but this fuckin' check ain't drawing any goddamned interest with you yappin' away
about my language." "Sir, I don't have to take this abuse" she says. "Well then let's get the fuckin'
manager okay? I mean what kind of shit is this I have to take from you?" The manager is summoned, and says "What
seems to be the problem?" The woman says, "This man is using vulgar language and I won't stand for it." The
man says "Hey alls I'm trying to do in this goddamned bank, for Christ's sake is deposit this fuckin' check for 15 million
dollars." The manager looks at the check and then at the man and says "And this fuckin' bitch won't help you?"
There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been
traveling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his
camel. He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel
and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel.
The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again. Finally after riding the camel through
the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it.
He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help. The hottest girl said ,"If you fix our car we will do
anything you want." The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash. When he finished are three
girls asked,"How could we ever repay you Mr." After thinking for a short while he replied,"Could you hold my
Three hillbillies were sitting on the porch. The first hillbilly
said "My wife is so dumb, yesterday she drug home a brand new washer and dryer, and we ain't even got electricity!"
The second hillbilly said "My wife is stupider than yers, yesterday she brings home a new dishwasher, and we ain't even
got runnin water!"
The third hillbilly said "My wife is even stupider! Yesterday I was in the kitchen
and I saw her purse on the table. Everything was spilled out of it and there was a bunch of rubbers layin there... and she
ain't even got a dick!"
This guy walks into the bar and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting on
a bar stool all alone. So the guy sits down next to her and pulls a small box from his pocket. He opens it and there's a frog
inside. The blonde says, "He's cute, but does he do tricks?" The guy says, "Yea, he licks pussy." So after
talking with her for several minutes, he convinces her to come with him to his apartment. They get there and she takes all
of her clothes off, gets into the bed and spreads her legs. The guy sets the frog right between her legs and it just sits
there not moving at all. the blond says, "Well? what's up?" The frog still does not move. So the guy leans over
to the frog and says, "All right, I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their
cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing
left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in
peace for the rest of our days."
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My
car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our
Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks
half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back
on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies,
"No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."