Jokes A juggler who was driving to his next performance was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer. "I juggle them in my act." "Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it." So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"   A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home- cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone. "The evening was a disaster," he moaned. "Why, didn't she come over?" asked his mother. "Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook...."   A man walks into the pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?" "Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist. "That's it! I can never remember that word!" Because I had forgotten the dates for a number of my friends' and relatives' birthdays and anniversaries, I decided to compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted on screen when the machine was turned on. I went to a number of computer stores to find a software program that would do the job but had no luck at the first few. I finally found one where the clerk seemed experienced. "Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays and anniversaries?" I asked. "Have you tried a wife?" he replied.   What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant lady? You can unscrew a light bulb. Three blondes were trapped on a deserted island. They came across a Genie Bottle. The first blonde rubbed it and a genie came out and it said, "I can grant you one wish and one wish only". The blonde thought for a little bit and said, "I wish I could be 20% percent smarter than other blondes". And she swam off the island to the mainland. The second blonde rubbed the Genie Bottle and the genie came out and said, "I cam grant you one wish and one wish only". The blonde said, "I wish I could be 50% smarter than other blondes". And she swam across the island to the mainland. The last blonde rubbed the Genie bottle and the genie came out again and said, "I can grant you one wish and one wish only". The blonde, not wanting to swim, thinks for a little bit and said, "I wish to be 100% smarter than other blondes". So, she walked across the bridge to the mainland. The Happy Groom...  "Congratulations my boy!", said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life." "But I'm not getting married until tomorrow", protested his nephew. "I know", replied the uncle. "That's exactly what I mean." My wife asked me to describe her.I said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K". She asked, "What does that mean?" I said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot". She said: "Oh, that's so lovely. What about -- I, J, K?" I said? "I'm Just Kidding!"
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