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A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

A guy woke up in the morning with a terrible hangover. Next to the bed was a couple of aspirins, a glass of water, and a note from his wife ? ?Honey, there?s a hot breakfast waiting for you in the kitchen. Love, your wife?. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He stumbles into the bathroom and notices a huge black eye. After shaving, he goes to the kitchen, and sees that the hall mirror is broken too.

His son is in the kitchen and as he?s eating his huge breakfast the guy asks the son what all this is about.

Well, last night you came home drunk off your ass, stumbled into the mirror and hit your head on the doorknob. Mom helped you to bed, and as she?s trying to get your pants off you kicked her away and said ?get off me lady, I?m married?.

The Professor's Wife

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife:

Dear Wife:

You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter that I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18 year old teaching assistant. I will be home before midnight.

When he arrived at the hotel, there a fax was waiting for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband,

You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you read this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18 year old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, my love, do not wait up!

Building Rome
Marilyn, the teacher, asked her 5th grade history class, "When was Rome built?" and called on Timothy to answer first. "Rome was built at night." was his answer.

"At night?" asked Mrs. Taylor, holding her ruler firmly in her boney-knuckled hands. "How ever did you get such an idea?"

"Well," gulped the student, hoping his answer would satisfy her, "everyone knows Rome wasn't built in a day."

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