Men have two emotions: Hungry
and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Children: You spend the first
2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
To steal ideas from one person
is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
I thought I wanted a career,
turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Whenever I fill out an application,
in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my wife going to do?
The sole purpose of a child's
middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
Good girls are bad girls
that never get caught.
Behind every successful man
is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Why do Americans choose from
just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
My opinions may
have changed, but not the fact that I am right