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Dave's Rave's
What Movies Have Taught Us 1) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing
devices, which have large red read-outs to tell you exactly when it will go off.
2) Should you need to pass yourself
off as a German officer it will not be necessary to speak the language, a convincing accent will do.
3) All apartments
in Paris overlook the Eiffel tower.
4) Most lap top computers are powerful enough to override a bank security
system or the communication system of an invading alien civilization.
5) Every single person in martial arts Film
has a black belt in karate.
6) When staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in
their most revealing underwear.
7) 1 man shooting at 20 men has more chance of hitting them than 20 men shooting
at 1 man if he is the hero.
8) During a police investigation it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least
once.
9) Large studio-type apartments in big cities are affordable by single people with a low wage.
10) The entire British population lives in London.
11) It doesn't matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a
martial arts fight; your enemies will attack you one at a time while the others dance around you menacingly.
12)
In musicals everyone you meet in the street will know all the words to the songs and the steps to the dances.
13)
When captured by an evil international terrorist, guns are not necessary to defeat them, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best
weapons. Working Man Blues My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so ...they gave me the ax.
After
that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly because ...it was a so-so job.
Next I tried
working in a muffler factory, but that ...was exhausting.
I wanted to be a barber, but ...I just couldn't cut
it.
Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just ...didn't have the
thyme.
I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I...couldn't cut the mustard.
My
best job was being a musician, but eventually I found ...I wasn't noteworthy.
I studied a long time to become
a doctor, but I...didn't have any patients.
Next was a job in
a shoe factory; I tried but I ...just didn't fit in.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I
...couldn't live on my net income.
Thought about becoming a witch, so I ...tried that for a spell.
I
managed to get a good job working for a pool-maintenance company, but the work was ...just too draining.
I got
a job at a zoo feeding giraffes, but I was fired because I ...wasn't up to it.
So then I got a job in a fitness-center,
but they said I ...wasn't fit for the job.
Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking
and I ...was discharged.
After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until
I realized there was ...no future in it.
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