Murphy's Law in Sex
1.The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave
her with no hard feelings.
2.Nothing improves with age.
3.No matter how many times you've had it,
if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
4.Sex has no calories.
takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
6.There is no remedy for sex but more
7.Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
8.No sex with anyone
in the same office.
9.Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is
going to last.
10.A man in the house is worth two in the street.
11.If you get them by the balls,
their hearts and minds will follow.
12.Virginity can be cured.
13.When a man's wife learns to understand
him, she usually stops listening to him.
14.Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
These days, safe sex isn't just a good idea, it's a matter of life
and death. Here are some valuable tips to help you "play it safe"...
Do not blow dealers for crack; blow
regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly.
Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay; resultant
loss of erection will prevent potential unsafe sex.
Don't fall for lines like, "God protects his servants
in the clergy from harm."
Do not, no matter how much peers may pressure you, allow anyone to get to third
base with you.
Before unsafe sex, think to yourself what the kids will look like.
Make sure all open
sores on penis have thoroughly dried and scabbed over before use.
When taking four cocks in the ass, make sure
to have an equal amount of cock in your mouth to reduce the risk of CHI imbalance.
Before fellating anonymous man
in back room of bar, be sure to ask, "You don't have AIDS, do you?"
Douse penis liberally with D-Con
roach spray before penetrating ape.
You CAN get it from kissing... tear out partner's tongue before any mouth-to-mouth
To prevent radiation exposure, use only lead-based condoms.
If you must engage in unsafe sex,
take time out before hand to hope for the best.
Before the use of condoms, unroll completely and check for any