Middle age is when you are warned to slow down by a doctor instead
of a policeman.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Anything worth taking seriously
is worth making fun of.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
To sit alone with
my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
An escalator never breaks . . . it only becomes stairs
When you get older, lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.
The secret of success is to know something nobody
What will today's younger generation tell their children they had to do "without"?
If you're doing the speed limit, you're in the way.
18 out of 10 schizophrenics agree
It's not an
optical illusion. It just looks like one.
Bumper Sticker: Excuse me for driving so closely in front of you.
Today is the last day of your life, so far.
No man really becomes a fool until he stops asking questions.
People never grow up; they just learn how to act in public.
One half of the world will never understand
the other half and it doesn't matter which half you're in.
I've discovered the whole problem with the National
Debt. Most of us work 5 days a week and the government spends 7.
You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress
when it sticks out its neck.
No matter how bad it gets, I'm rich at the dollar store.
The tongue must
be heavy indeed, because so few people can't hold it.
The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he